We wanted to keep Easter simple for my husband and not make mistakes like we did at Christmas in terms of him appreciating what it was all about. This time the idea was we had no expectations as to if he would have a glimmer of what Easter was all about. He had no idea what an Easter egg was. Which was just fine. I was happy the residence didn't over do Easter as they tend to really decorate the place for events like Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas, Valentine's and where I live, which is near Vancouver BC - the 2010 Winter Olympics. But I have to tell you one Olympics story. I was a torch bearer! And it was very neat that I could bring the torch into the res and many people got to hold it and have their pictures taken. SO many residents and staff did that there is no longer any soot left on the white shiny torch! And the residence brought six of them down in a bus to see me on my route. Yeah those rehab staff. On Good Friday where I live - we had this huge scary wind storm so I didn't take him outside that day. Instead I made tea in his room and we shared some fruit & cookies. I asked him what he might like me to bring him from home for Easter. He said, " a 70." Wasn't too sure what he meant. I pointed at a picture of him on his wall. He told me that was "the bread man." On Easter morning I took in a few chocolates and a hydrangea plant. Myself, my son Michael and his wife, Michelle, we sat outside on a porch in the sun (so nice!) We chatted softly. My husband loved his pieces of orange chocolate and a double starbucks latte. We didn't stay too too long as long visits tire him. We chatted with one of his best care-ades, Shauna who came out to join us and we told stories. I was kinda glad Easter came and went. Last Easter, when he and I visited my sister and her family on Vancouver Island for the special weekend he found everything so confusing and strange it was a "nightmare" and I had to bail out of their Easter plans and bring him back home on Easter morning. At least this year he was "safe" and there was zip pressure from me to expect him to understand what Easter was. Every day this week we've nibbled a little bit of his chocolate rabbit. Just a taste - as we now move nice & slow into April. I'm now doing our income tax! that will be another blog. Not now but in a few days or so.

Comment (0)

Creating a special space with objects from home plus other items to give life to an institutional room that is so empty at first can be done. In my case it was done in stages as I slowly got used to the idea my husband's room - 2 East F 242 was now his home. One of the first things my son and I did was move in two bookcases to hold some of the books (out of many!) that would create an environment he was used to. We brought in books about critical thinking, art education, film history, philosophy, and books about some of his favourite artists. He can't read anymore but at least we created a sort of "set dec" of what he used to love to surround himself with. I hung on one wall a cork tack board to post postcards and pictures of our garden back home. The other half of the board is a white board where I write messages for him. Family news bytes. He doesn't read then but they turn into prompts for his care givers for conversation topics. Slowly, over a period of a few months I started to add large photo enlargements on two walls and bathroom door etc. Images of his past and present too. Pictures of us together and pictures of our three grown up children. Plus scenes of what his home used to be beside the Fraser River out on our porch and views into the small garden. Costco has the best photo dept. 12 x 18 enlargements for like $2.99. Near his big windows that look out towards a park next door (and into a parking lot) I hung vibrant mobiles of coloured ribbons and a fish. And a tin silver Mexican dove. They move in the breeze when i open his window. On the window ledge, which is really big sits a family photo album, sketch book, rummage basket, plastic green ferns, and two vases which these days holds blossom sprigs and tulips from our garden. On his bedside table there is always a Japanese red bowl filled with fruit. Apples, mandarin oranges and sometimes grapes. Over on the book case we have a CD Player and a pile of CDs so the care aides can turn on music at night. Beethoven. Mozart, Bach, Meditation kind of music as well. One thing he can respond to is MUSIC. He is too far gone to have a telephone or television in the room. I'm grateful music settles him down. On the bookcase also sits a stash of We also hung large blow ups of a book cover - a book he wrote, one of his paintings, and a family portrait. None of what is now in his room happened over night. It took me time to slowly introduce these elements. I think in a way what we have brought into his room has always been about - let's keep his room filled with life. A real spruce tree at Christmas! (that almost croaked cos of the heat, My 2 grandchildren visiting from Haida Gwaii loved to spray it daily.) Because my husband is so confined to a wheelchair and with limited mobility I have never been concerned about what he might start to play with. One very nice comment my son told me around Christmas time was the room and mostly my efforts to make it meaningful and alive- has made his visits with his Dad way more bearable. Sorry this has turned into a long blog. My message is have fun, Break the rules. Experiment. ( I have taken things home that didn't "work") Turn a space in a home into something as personal as you can to honour the life of someone you miss. As well as make a space where you feel comfortable and happy too. into his room is

Comment (0)

Looking back to a few years ago there were hints and clues at that time I wasn't aware of. I knew something wasn't quite right. The first clues were things like we had moved into a new house in 2006 and the move was very hard on my husband. Way harder than I ever imagined. There were signals he was not happy adjusting. All of the gadgets like how to operate a new oven puzzled him. And he had a challenging time figuring out how to use a different phone as well as a new digital television. Instructions for basic things to operate around the house suddenly turned into minor "nightmares." i caught myself mumbling and wondering what the heck was going on. Why did i have to repeat simple instructions and within minutes he would ask me again how things worked. That was when I told him I was worried and asked his permission if it was okay I went with him to our family doctor so I could say in front of him "things weren't quite right." Most of you I am sure were with someone you were worried about when some initial testing was done. And more testing with a specialist in dementia. And then hearing those words - "you have Alzheimer's." We were both stunned. My husband called the doctor a scoundrel. It took almost a year for us to get help. Maybe longer coz there was a lot of denial going on. But eventually he accepted things were not the same and we, the both of us, had to deal with what was going on. It wasn't easy. Our lives really did change and as I look back every day was a special day to savour. Since then I sure wish I had read the wonderful book GENTLECARE way sooner. This book was written by a woman here in B.C. - Moyra Jones. If you don't know about her work it is an awesome read and so very helpful. The book can be ordered online if you google it .

Comment (0)

My husband was a university teacher all his life and an author too. Reading and writing was a huge part of his life. It was very sad when he no longer had any interest to read, nor write anymore. When he was moved into a home at first he thought he was in a school and the little bit he shared with me was often sentences about how he was working on notes or had to go to a meeting. things like that. I am keeping a journal. Some of his one liners to me and my children are amazing. Last summer I asked him what he might like me to bring him from home. He asked me to bring him a "paragraph." Another day he looked at me and my sister and told us "the table of contents is missing." A few months ago I asked him how he was doing. He said, "less than minus." On Sunday night - nights are such a different time to visit than day time - it's very quiet as many of the resident shave been ticked in. always a great time to talk to the night care aides and LPN. On Sunday night he told me he was living in a house on the web site. Wow. I didn't think he even knew anymore what a web site is.

Comment (0)

Always so nice when it is sunny and warm when I visited my husband this morning. He's been in an extended care facility since last July. What happened was he went into a steep decline last June and ended up not being able to walk plus a huge loss in his cognitive abilities. Before that he was living at home with alzheimer's - slowing done a lot but still doing okay. Every day is different. In terms of how things are going with him. Sometimes he might only say one word. He goes through periods when he can't get his hands to work to feed himself. He has no idea where he is which is a blessing. My visits with him tend to be either in his room where I make him tea and we eat fruit and cookies together. If it's not too rainy or too cold - best visits (for me) he getting him outside into this lovely park next door. The park these days is filled with flowering magnolia trees, daffodils, hyacinths and banks of coloured heather clumps. Our favourite route is down a path, up a hill behind a water fall, then stop to look out over a small lake, down, past the rabbits which our dog Hugo likes to chase, around more paths through old trees and eventually back to his residence. Sometimes he falls asleep. Rarely does he talk. For Christmas I bought him one of those special lined capes for folks in wheelchairs. No more awful bending his arms in a winter coat that was slit up the back - which was still hard to get him into. The cape has made getting him outside so much easier! and if the care aids dressed him in thin pants then I just put a rug over his legs. Lately I tend to go "wow it's almost spring time." So far I have seen him there in the summer, autumn, and winter. In a funny way the seasons measure time that has passed both slowly and fast. He is slowly disappearing. Can't say enough about how good most of the staff are. Great rehab staff and nurses and the care aids. I had never been in a nursing home before until last summer so you can imagine what a foreign, and scary place it was. Social workers made it very clear it was my home too. Luckily I am retired and live close by so it is easy for me to mix up visit times and drop in when ever I feel like it. And they allow our dog Hugo inside. Hugo has become afavourite visitor - especially to those people who had dogs in their lives. My husbandis in a care facility where the residents with dementia are mixed in with everyone else. I wasn't too sure about that - but I am happy he is with people and their families who can still talk and are active. Way more stimulating. I'm glad I have discovered this web site. I want to share my journey with my husband. I hope to make a few entries every week about themes such as what we did in his room. What are the "rewards" when he can hardly communicate. How I handle stress of being a caregiver. My therapist's help. My worries. And the journal I do. I live in Richmond BC. and I am 66 years old.

Comment (0)