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hi I am new in this site and i have been thru all the difficulties dealing with someone u loved so much having this disease.
One thing i want to share with all is
be optimistics and knows how and when to let go of some pressure yourself.
My father was very difficult, he will accuse me of wrong doing on everything, accusing u of stealing, hurting him etc etc. At his early stage, I was so stress and depressed coz i took those abusive seriously.
I remembered once i was so mad and so angry and smashed the glass door of the bookcase. He seems know i was mad and stop blaming, I can see the fear and unrestness in his eyes, in return, he comforted me.
I felt so guity and shocked at how i behaved. I thought i was totally out of control. I knew he was sick and how could I took his wordings so seriously? I was mad at myself and i promised myself...never ever do that again. Get some help, do research abt the disease and learn how to stop this from happening again.
What I did was abusive to my fahter, I hurt his feelings, I am supposed the one who care and love him. I was ashamed ofmyself.
I start realising that i should open up myself, feel what he feels, and step back a bit to let go the pressure.
We employ a caregiver to helptaking careof my father daytime, my position was switched from caregiver to monitoring. I found i am still very busy but a lot easier for life coz i can still go to work , a life and still keeps close monitor on how he is doing everyday. And when i comeback from work i can still be happy to serve him. Cleaning his bowel problems ,he was disoriented abt where 's the washroom, change diapers, give him drinks, feed him snacks, medicine etc etc.
I learnt that the more u love them, the more u should let go , coz its doing harm to yrself and themselves.
First u have to stay healthy and happy mind , then u can help them. If u are miserable and depressed, the more pressure u are in, and it ends up a sad story.
I feel happy with my father now coz i find a relief way to make the whole family happy.
Make it this way, my father now is more happy coz he doesnt really feel much abt pain, sadness and depressed. He is a simple mind baby, he will clap his hands when he is happy. It doesnt mean he doesnt feel sadness , angry and pain. I believe they do. I dont believe the bull shit that alzhemir patients feel nothing. But now he can be happier easily. Good care and good food or music can make him feeling happy. As long as dont leave him alone. They will feel that.
My father is in the nursing home, its free coz he has pension from govt. What we do is, we sisters shared the money out every month to hire a sitter to stay and take care and feed them everyday. We cant afford 24 hours, but half days 2 meals is good enough. We will share the time to feed our father dinner everynight. Then we will go home. So my father is not alone. he will be well taken care and I know he knows,he is happy seeing someone around him ,keep him comfy everyday.
I monitor all the medical ,therapy and his bowel movement everyday. Luckily i have a wonderful sitter who is so nice and responsible and love my father and i really appreciated and recognised her as a family member.
I know u must love your wife a lot and i respect that so much. But take care of yourself too. Dont let money be a problem to u. Get help and solve the problem easily.
If u want to know how i can be so optimistic,email me,i can share with u.
wish u all the best
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